I am a rare creature, a student of Japanese in England. In my year in Cambridge, I am one of just six. In Japan, everyone studies English, but in many cases shyness and perfectionism combine and stifle any hope of fluency (I say this without criticism – I have been guilty of the same flaw painfully often). Yet the English language has infiltrated Japanese culture in many ways, and the Japanese understand far more than they realise, or feel capable of reproducing. For a start, the Japanese language is littered with loan words. Directly imported words like konpyuta (computer) are very obvious. Others are compounds or contractions that are quite confusing. A friend left me completely stumped when he referred a few days ago to his basshu – he meant ‘basketball shoes’. To be honest, I wasn’t too disappointed not to have understood that one.

Loan words are rendered in Japanese script and considered part of the language though. Where actual English is a day-to-day, though slightly bizarre, part of Japanese life is often in advertising. A tagline or a slogan will appear, somewhat incongruously, entirely in English, with no translation or explanation. These taglines are often of a kind, riddled with simple, positive words - ‘happy’, ‘enjoy’, ‘sunny’, ‘life’, ‘you’, ‘success!’ The original idea was quite a clever one. Everyone has studied English, but they don’t feel like they speak it. They see a product, they see the word ‘happy’. Not only do they know that ‘happy’ is a good thing(!), they feel good about understanding it. Maybe they’ll feel so good the word ‘happy’ becomes a key part of their decision to, say, rent a car from that particular company (it worked on me!).

When my parents visited me over Christmas we went travelling, and breakfasting in an inappropriately dingy station café we treated ourselves to the “Morning Sunrise Excitement Set”, which was a runny egg, one slice of bread and a bowl of salad. A popular beer in Japan is Asahi ‘Super Dry’, a can of which bears the tagline “Asahi beer is brewed from quality ingredients by using our pure cultured yeast and our advanced brewing techniques. Asahi beer has excellent richness, truly refreshing drinkability and satin smoothness. All year round you can enjoy the great taste of Asahi beer!” When Asahi first put this on their cans, consumers will have loved feeling all sophisticated, sitting and sipping a veritable essay. The majority will have only understood the final sentence, but they will have felt ‘super’ nonetheless.  Western companies also get in on the act, because while they are capable of producing accurate English, they have realised that ‘bad primary school textbook’ English sells better.

Nowadays, Japan has got over the novelty of seeing ‘happy’ things everywhere, but this doesn’t mean the trend has died; rather that spurious English is now everywhere. This leads the English-speaking traveller to the wonderful pastime of ‘T-shirt slogan spotting’, although you should by no means limit yourself to t-shirts. I would have quit my job teaching in the next city a long time ago on the grounds that the four-hour round commute is a tad unbearable, were it not for the fantastic slogans and words of wisdom worn proudly and, one suspects, unknowingly on t-shirts, handbags and the occasional trouser leg. “First expression of my DESIRE” was sported by a young man in a bright pink t-shirt within 24 hours of my arrival in September. The phrase “Amusing and sexy golfer” was repeated over and over on the woolly jumper of a man in his 50s (who had fallen asleep and was drooling a little bit). Around Christmas time I saw a young woman carrying a handbag with my personal all-time favourite, “The Ging is liable”. Seriously – what? I get so much childish amusement out of these that I was genuinely stunned last week to read the perfectly sensible and grammatically faultless “Do not spend time beating on a wall, hoping to turn it into a door”.

This has not been my first trip to Japan. Past favourites include:

 “The vacant world is over! If you want it”

“I will walk the night future”

“I ain’t no f***ing you!” (worn by a 10-year old girl, censorship added)

“Good man is hard to find”

And finally, worn by a six-year old boy, the single word: “SPUNK!”

Why do they do it? It is more than just vaguely knowing words like ‘DESIRE’ and feeling linguistically empowered. Sometimes, mischievous t-shirt vendors are clearly having a laugh at the expense of shoppers (and their six-year old sons). It can simply be a fashion thing though. Interestingly, Union Flags are another common sight on t-shirts, handbags and so on. I once asked a Japanese friend why the British flag was so popular, and she had no idea what I meant – she was wearing it because of the association with punk. 

Wearing foreign-language slogans is not unique to Japan, of course, though I have never seen it so prevalent anywhere else. Indeed, many of you may own Superdry clothing. Now, I’m sure you all know that Superdry is a British company whose products “combine vintage American styling with Japanese inspired graphics” (Wikipedia, 2013) and I’m equally sure none of you believed it was actually Japanese when you bought your super-cool hoodie with its super-cool Japanese-y writing, not one of you. But did you know that the logo you’ve been sporting, 極度乾燥 （しなさい), is really a command? “Dry extremely!” - not quite so super. Another logo on the Superdry range is 自動車潤滑, which means “car lubrication” (To be fair, I have seen one Superdry t-shirt with 'motor oil' written in English, so there are some warnings to be found).

I have tried to steer clear of poking fun at bad mistranslations that are trying to be good English (many of the signs reminding us of the rules around our university accommodation spring to mind). There are lots, and many of them are quite funny, but rather than being part of the t-shirt slogan culture, they are simply cases of people not doing a very good job. I feel a bit bad laughing at them given I butcher the Japanese language on a daily basis. However, I cannot resist sharing in full this magnificent description of the joys that await you should you order a ‘jumbo parfait’, a massive ice-cream sundae to share between 10-50 people (depending on which you order, and how many days in advance) at a favourite ice-cream café of mine:

I checked, and intriguingly Word’s spelling and grammar check has no problems with any of that. 
We ate one of these for a friend’s birthday, enjoyed the buzz-buzz, and it became another wonderful memory from Japan.

After two terms at Cambridge I realised that my body clock had become majorly out of sync with the rest of the UK. I seemed to be three hours behind the working world. But as exams approach, many of us have dreaded 9 a.m. starts worrying that we simply will not wake up in time. Here are some of the best alarms to get you up and ready to work this exam term.

The iQ Puzzle

Be awaken each morning with three iQ problems to solve before silencing this monster.

Wake-up light

Slowing brightening light to wake you up gently just like the sun. A relaxing and gentle start to the day.

Sfera

Tap it once to snooze and it rises. Snooze twice and it rises to the ceiling forcing you out of bed.

Blowfly

Flying around your room producing sound (just like that fly that always keeps you awake at night) until you catch it and place it back in its cage.

Sonic Bomb 

A 113db  alarm, pulsating alert lights and bed shaking vibrating unit.

WAKE UP WORK OUT 

Every day gets tougher and tougher but to silence this clock you need to bicep curl. A pure evil start to the day!

Wake Up Smiling

The Smile Alarm Clock only turns off when you smile and have a positive start to the day! Facial recognition software means that only a full smile will do!

Wake Up Alarm with juice, toast, and coffee

I saved the best till last. What could be nicer than that on the morning of the exam. Unfortunately you may also have to sacrifice some cramming time the night before to set it all up!

It may be too late to order one of these innovate contraptions to wake you, but it has been fun researching. Best of luck to all in forthcoming examinations! As for me I fear my bed is now calling and another difficult morning altercation with the snooze button awaits!

George 

It's happened. Exam stress has set in. Socialising is no more, and you're having trouble sleeping, and your friends at other unis are all finished for the year while you have weeks to go, and people around you are starting to exhibit all sorts of odd habits like showering at four in the morning or buying a bulk load of plants in the hope that it will rid them of 'negative energy', and you can no longer stand the presence other people because isn't everyone just so damn annoying, and it's all just getting a little...too...much. Phew. Well, my friend, panic not, because there's a sure-fire fix for all of these woes - and others besides. The answer, as always, is puppies. In fact, it's all manner of creatures: the cute, the funny, the slightly disturbing...and, of course, you can rely on the internet to have worked wonders with what nature gave us. So here's my pick of the best cheer-up critters...

Calming Manatee
Introduced to me by a fellow Downingite, this guy has now become my new best friend. If you're even slightly stressed, bookmark http://calmingmanatee.com/ NOW. My personal favourite? 

All manner of puppies falling down stairs...
You caught me. It's true, I take a slightly sadistic sort of pleasure in watching miniature dogs trip over themselves. But given the amount of videos on the subject which are rampant across YouTube, I'm not the only one. They also serve as a great reminder that sometimes failure can be bloody adorable. Here's one to get you started:  

...and falling asleep
You're not the only one who's had enough:

A sloth and a cat who love each other
This one's a little more niche (I personally find it a tad creepy) but, hey, whatever makes you happy, right?

Pucker up!
Because the romance of the animal kingdom can beat Hollywood anytime.

See, perfect revision break material! Thanks to everyone who contributed (and by that I mean, let me pass off their adorable discoveries as my own) and if you has any gems of your own, please share them with the Blake world via the comments!

Miriam Goode 

Baz Luhrmann's film adaptation of Fitzgerald's seminal 'The Great Gatsby' made me cry. It was an extraordinarily niche type of weeping, and those tears were shed for an unashamedly pretentious set of reasons (#FirstWorldProblems). I was lamenting the state of Hollywood cinema, whose percentage of original concept films -not based on a book or a 'true story'- has reached a pitiful low in recent decades. I mourned the utter decimation of a narrative which has enchanted me since the age of fourteen. Also my eyes were stinging from all the swooping, long-angled shots and piercingly bright colours.

I concede, I'm the wrong person to be reviewing this film. I'm the chick who devours the novel on a semi-regular basis, quotes Fitzgerald at any given opportunity, and always endeavours to party with the same reckless abandon as one of Jay Gatsby's degenerate guests. I also refuse to watch New Girl because I can't stand how colourful it is. But I really wanted to like this film, and assumed I would love it. I'm an enormous fan of incongruity, disjuncture and juxtaposition in film, and with Baz Luhrmann at the helm, I believed he would successfully combine contemporary culture -both musically and visually- with the chaos of the Jazz Age and create an unforgettable, intense, gritty and moving piece of cinema.

Instead, to quote Bret Easton Ellis, the whole film seemed like “some kind of ghastly Illuminati prank”. Within the first minute I was disappointed and enraged, because -despite seeing the film in good ol' two dimensions- it had clearly been filmed with a 3D audience in mind. Visual tricks were used at entirely unnecessary points, and where there was potential for great theatricality at Gatsby's infamous parties, the set just felt cluttered and overwhelmingly contrived.

Luhrmann also treated his audience like morons, even spelling out sentences from the novel in type on screen, confessing to what we had all immediately realised: nobody can present the story as well as Fitzgerald himself. My qualms did not lie with a lack of faithfulness to the novel, and I was very happy to see an entirely unique take on the classic. However, where Bazza fell short was in wholeheartedly undermining any subtlety the film would have held as a stand-alone, conceptually original piece. Too often Nick Carraway (played by Tobey Maguire) would comment on action immediately after it had taken place, driving the romance and magic of the novel home with all the daintiness of an earthquake.

The central performances of Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby and Carey Mulligan as Daisy Buchanan showed flashes of promise in an otherwise 'meh' embodiment of their characters. Mulligan captures Daisy's paradoxical vulnerability and arrogance well, and DiCaprio certainly looks the part, but fails to enthral sufficiently to be deemed “worth the whole damn bunch put together”.  The best acting came from the minor characters in the novel: Myrtle Wilson played by Isla Fisher (despite her questionable New York accent. A serious 'WTF?!' moment when she first speaks), and Tom Buchanan played by Joel Edgerton, who brought tension and intrigue to an otherwise painfully accessible unfolding of the plot.

As an alternative to watching the film and sitting through too many depressingly overstated visual and narrative effects, and those long-angled shots which make you feel like you're playing a video game -specifically The Sims 3- , just listen to the soundtrack and watch the trailers. The most visually impressive and tense moments in the film are all contained in its previews, and the soundtrack is flawless. All credit to Jay-Z, because that shit truly is cray.

Certainly not a green light from yours truly to The Not-So-Great Gatsby.

Nikki Sage

It is not often that the Blake society comes up in a Contract Law supervision but when it does, it necessarily involves the intelligence services, dramatic prison escapes, spy novels and err well (some) law.

George Blake (born Behar), a former British spy and alumni of Downing College, has to be one of the most controversial figures in the recent history of the British intelligence services. Blake studied Russian in Downing College before being recruited as a spy although he was not part of the Cambridge Five. Working as a double agent for the Soviet Union, Blake was eventually found out and imprisoned in Wormwood Scrubs Prison in 1961. In 1966, Blake escaped prison – by climbing over a wall with a rope ladder made of knitting needles – what’s he like?! – with the help of two friends and emigrated to Moscow where he still lives today aged 90.

Blake then went on to write about all the naughty things the UK government did in the Cold War in his book No Other Choice published in 1990. (This book was the subject of much litigation as Blake had breached his contract of confidentiality with the government). The (then) House of Lords referred to him as a ‘bad man’ in stark reflection of the fact that not much has been said that’s good about him. In fact, google him – all you get is ‘traitor’ and 'enemy of the Crown'.

So far, so SO dramatic. If that isn’t enough to get your revision-addled brains ticking, here’s some local gossip. When Blake was studying in Downing, the room now occupied by Prof Virgo (P4) used to be the Russian Director of Studies’ office. If ever you are in P4, remember Blake – the ‘Marxist traitor’ who was once there. 

He was also (I think) at Downing before Sir Quentin, but perhaps we ended up being named after the better Blake?

--
For extended procrastination - do have a look at this short BBC report:

I don't really like the Downing Library. It's nothing personal. I love the architecture (columns were one of the things that drew me to Downing) and it has an actually reasonable amount of books I need. The problem is I can see the bar, or Pizza Express and I am physically incapable of not talking to people that I even vaguely recognise. So I have ventured to find alternate places for me to revise, where I won't see friends or anyone that I have ever spoken to. Hopefully.* I will add to this post if any more spring to mine.

*Although sharing them here will obviously reduce the likelihood of solitude dramatically. Damn it.

The University Library
To many the UL can seem a daunting place - with over 9 million books and counting, it is a big place but that to me is one of it's attractions.  If you are claustrophobic, the Reading Room is the best indoor space you could pick. Then again, for the agoraphobes amongst you, the UL is the best place to find  a tiny nook where you can curl up between shelves and not see another human being potentially for hours. Perfect.

Indigo Coffee House

Definitely not one for the claustrophobes, but this teeny tiny cafe provides not only a cosy corner for a read but also really good hot chocolate, cake and bagels. Just down from the Corpus Playrooms in St. Edward's Passage, this is an ideal place to escape to from revision or a place to focus in. Two highlights for me include the Wall of Money - a display of currencies from around the world - and a sign which warns you  of a £1 levy for the incorrect use of the word literally in a sentence.

The Seat Alongside Senate House

If you have ever walked down Senate House Passage, between Trinity Hall and King's Parade you may have noticed that in the wall of Gonville and Caius there is a seat built into the wall. One particularly intimidating book review, I found myself unable to continue reading at home. I wandered the city to find somewhere to sit and read, and this was the perfect place. It is protected from the rain and wind and there is enough room to recline or to just sit comfortably. However, be warned - this seat will make you perfectly posed for tourists to take pictures of you looking studenty.

And if all else fails, I will retreat once more under my desk (pre-existing photographic evidence for this is currently unlocatable).

Georgina Phillips

With the Sun (sort of) shining and the pursuit of finding things to do other than revision already underway, going back to our childhood past-time of shadow play can always come to mind:

But the feats of transforming this simple trick into an awe-inspiring art has led to amazing productions and concepts, most recently gracing the Britain’s got Talent stage:

From there there’s been some variation of the shadow-idea, with just as spectacular results:

It just goes to show that genius can be found in anything, even in child’s play. So next time you’re accused of procrastination, say that you’re just honing your skills ready to create the next Shakespeare in Shadow.

Or erm… pretend to be a butterfly.

Following this term’s apparent Blake blog theme of ‘how to keep sane during exams’, I have decided to kindly share with you all my favourite online procrastination: The Vagenda. After coming across this gem on the marvellous interweb a few months ago, I am now an avid fan of this feminist online magazine whose tagline is ‘Like King Lear, but for girls’ (taken from Grazia magazine’s summary of the film The Iron Lady). 

Now, before you write this off as crazy, angry feminists writing man-hating articles, I would suggest you take the time to read what the numerous online contributors (both male and female) have to say.

The hilarious deconstruction of magazines like Grazia (Vagenda’s enemy numero uno) and Cosmo points out the (often ludicrously) outright sexism printed in the form of ‘advice’ that readers passively take in, turning what should be relaxing read into a subconscious kick to women’s self esteem. Other forms of media are also called out for this underlying theme: from Confused.com adverts to films like ‘I Give It a Year’, sexism that should be obvious and rejected is instead accepted without question, supporting and building on an unspoken sexist discourse.

More serious articles are part of the mix, with the new ‘TMI’ theme providing a platform for women to talk about issues that might be considered ‘private’ in other forms of journalism, yet, judging by the comments, prove to be highly relevant and important topics that women are eager to talk about. The Vagenda also comments on current affairs, such as Mantel vs Middleton, Glasgow students abusing the Cambridge female debaters, and supporting the ‘No More Page 3’ campaign (the link to which, if anyone's interested, here.)

Sometimes, feminist issues are summed up in a simple picture, in the magazine’s series of illustrations -‘Reasons to be a Feminist’ (an example being the illustration above).

In my opinion, what The Vagenda is trying to do is to make us wake up and smell the coffee, and realise that the need for feminism is far from over. Yes, women’s stance in society is stronger than before, but there is still a long way to go before we can consider ourselves a truly equal society in terms of gender. The ongoing inequality is evident via daily reminders in the public eye, but still largely goes unnoticed, and sexist frameworks that are deemed ‘normal’ continue to be built on. This latent sexism is proving to be even harder to fight against, due to so many being under the impression that ‘women have never had it so good’, therefore sexism is no longer ‘a thing’, and feminism is no longer needed. Indeed, the hardest group to fight against could be said to be other women, who are perhaps the worst culprits of reproducing gender inequality by judging one another by unreasonable standards set by the media. 

The Vagenda isn’t suggesting that all women boycott magazines and run onto the streets to burn our bras. A woman can be a feminist and read (and enjoy!) Cosmo, the important factor being the ability to differentiate between real life and the glossy, photoshopped, and unattainable lives that are presented as something we should be aiming for. The Vagenda offers a refreshingly alternative form of journalism for women who are tired of reading articles on “how to get Beyonce’s bikini body in 10 days” when, to be honest, we have better things on our minds (...like tea and cake breaks from revision... whilst reading The Vagenda).

Here’s the website: http://vagendamag.blogspot.co.uk/

And some of my favourite articles so far.

'Why Don't You...'

'There's Never Been A Better Time To Be A Woman'

'10 Reasons Not To Buy Grazia '

'Valentine's Day Countdown Gifts'

'New Places Not To Have Sex, Despite What Cosmo Says'




Happy procrastinating!